Peace in the squeeze

Yesterday I had my fourth MRI in a year. The doctor thinks I have a benign tumor on one of my nerves in addition to a pretty bad buldging disc. He wanted to do another MRI before we do surgery. I have learned to do pretty well in MRIs. If you've never had an MRI, they are not super pleasant. You go in a small tube that just barely big enough for you, and it is VERY loud and noisy. Mine have lasted between 30-45 minutes. The one yesterday, I also got the joy of an IV and contrast being injected in my veins. I close my eyes and sing praise music in my head to the rhythm of the machine. My third MRI was at Research Hospital and they asked me if I wanted to listen to music. I said, "Sure!" They said, "What do you want to listen to? We have everything." I said, "Um, how about jazz?" So they played jazz. I ended up blocking out the music eventually to go back to my usual praise music in my head. Yesterday, I asked, "Do you use Pandora? Can I listen to Audrey Assad?" It was the most incredibly peaceful moment of my whole week. Things have been absolutely crazy at school and getting thesis work. But even in a small tube with loud banging going on, I felt completely at peace. Some Hillsong, Audrey Assad and other wonderful music played. I can't remember all of what was playing, but I did listen to the words. One song talked about God being there, through the tears and the pain. I felt God holding me yesterday through that test. I know that God is with me through all of this. There are often times where I only see darkness, and do not feel this peace. I may not always feel it like I did yesterday, but I hold to the words of Desert Song by Hillsong (which is one song that came on!):

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that is in my feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is the God who provides.

This is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved of more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flame.

We all go through times of squeezing. Whether it's in an MRI tube, at a job, or at home, hopefully you can feel peace through the trials by relying on the Lord even in the tight times.

Lord, through all trials, grant us your peace. Let us remember to worship You in the desert, in the fire, in the trials, as well as the harvest. While your will may not be to heal the body right now, please stay with us, walk with us, and hold us. Refine us. Remind us of your presence when all we can see is darkness, and bring us out of the darkness into the peace of your love and grace.