a cake to cut

My birthday is on Wednesday, but we celebrated tonight due to crazy schedules the rest of the week. My wonderful husband made me this cake last year, due to my recent back injury and all the meds I had been given to try and fix me.

This year, I am pretty sure he topped it. 16 days until surgery!

I think we need to stop watching Cake Boss at the Lillie house.

time to be an adult?

This week I turn 27 years old. 27. There is something weird about that number in my head. It makes me feel like now I have to be an adult. I can't fudge on my adultness now. I'm not in my mid-twenties anymore. I'm in my late 20s. I'm close to 30. Which means doing grown up things. I often still feel like I am a kid or still a college kid running around pretending to be a teacher. Maybe to feel more grown up I should stop wearing holiday themed socks and being easily entertained by wooden toys. And probably no more chocolate milk. And I should probably change my phone ring tone from the WonderPets theme song. And maybe I should think about having kids... well, maybe just a dog to be sure I can handle being responsible for another living thing. And arrange dinner parties.

Or perhaps not... maybe at 28.

Counting down...

We are continuing to be patient in God's timing and trying to remain hopeful for success from surgery. Pain levels have been horrid lately, and we are counting down days... and today Bryson suggested I make a paper chain. So, in the spirit of counting down, we have 17 days! Excited to rip off a chain link tomorrow.

...there is a season

This weekend has been rough. (For the record, ultimate pin blaster is not a good game to play with 1st graders for one with a bad back!) I was wishing this weekend that I had decided to go for an earlier surgery date. While I want so badly to have the surgery soon and hopefully find some relief from pain, I feel the need to be around for some things in the next few weeks. I felt very torn about waiting all the way to the middle of November to try and find some relief, but be able to finish some things out opposed to taking the first available appointment. I know that God's timing is perfect though. These verses were comforts to me this evening.

"This vision is for a future time.

It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.

If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,

For it will surely take place.

It will not be delayed."

-Habakkuk 2:3

"At just the right time I will respond to you. On the day of salvation I will help you. I will protect you and give you to the people as my covenant with them. Through you I will reestablish the land of Israel and assign it to its own people again." - Isaiah 49:8

Parts of the book of Isaiah were written during a time of huge struggle for the people of Israel. They had just been conquered by the Assyrians. They had been forced to live in a way that was unfamiliar to them. They longed for the peace and familiarity they were used to. If the Israelites were anything like me, they wanted to return to their times of peace and healing NOW. But God didn't solve their problems right away. The Lord did promise that the time when they would return to their land would come. And God kept that promise. Even though it wasn't in the same timing of the Israelites. We have to trust that God will keep His promises to us. He hears us when we cry out to Him. He lifts us out of our sorrows and sadnesses. He will steady our feet as we walk.

I want surgery now. Actually, if I was honest, I wanted healing without surgery about 16 months ago! Yet, for a reason unknown to me, this was not God's timing. I have to trust that His timing is perfect and that He will answer my prayers.

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

Out of the mud and mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked around."

-Psalm 40:1-2

kindergarten moment

Today in Kindergarten music, we were singing a song about leaves. A girl raises her hand.

Mrs. Lillie: "Is this a story or a question?"

Student: "A question"

Mrs. Lillie: "Okay, ask."

Student: "Yesterday, my grandma..."

Mrs. Lillie: "No, that's a story. A question starts with who, where, what, how. Do you have a question about music?"

Student: "Um... yes... how... ... ... ... do you play the violin?"

Mrs. Lillie: "Well, that's a good question, but we're going to finish our song about leaves right now. We'll talk about it after class."

Creepy Crawly!

Today, the biggest spider I have seen in my life decided to come to 4th grade music class. Here is a written re-enactment of the scene:

Student: Um, Mrs. Lillie? There's a spider!

Mrs. Lillie: Where? scream, runs to back of the room

All students: I'll kill it! I can do it!

the P.E. teacher walks by the music room

Mrs. Lillie: MR. LOMAX!!! COME BACK!

speech therapist hears my screams, opens the door

Speech therapist: What's wrong? Oh my gosh! That spider is huge! Mr. Lomax come back!

a paraeducator walks by, looks as the spider, and stomps it. She leaves.

Mrs. Lillie: (thinking, What do I do now? I don't want to touch it, even in a kleenex!) Okay kids, tell me more about the jazz museum... (takes 10+ kleenexes out of the box)

Student: Well, we saw Ella Fitzgerald's dress...

Mrs. Lillie: (picks up the spider with all 10 kleenexes) Aaaauuuuugh!!!! (as she runs across the room with 10+ kleenexes and dead spider in hand and flings it into the trash can)

All students: rolling on the floor laughing at the crazy, spider fearing music teacher

reality check

I know often I post about my health. This is an everyday reality for me, but today I was given a little reality check.

A lot of times I get so frustrated when others complain about their little ailments. When someone tells me "Oh, my back is hurting a little today, I must have a stiff muscle" I get SUPER resentful and want to scream "Oh yeah? I DON'T CARE." Or when someone tells me they are tired (I do give a break to those with kids :)...), I want to tell them, "Yeah? Were your comps and thesis due last week? And you spent 30+ hours working on them, plus working your two jobs? While you were in intense physical pain the whole time???" I have noticed my empathy has been completely lacking the last few months.

Tonight I read a CarePages blog of a childhood friend I have, who's 7 year old son has leukemia. What a reality check. Who am I to be non-empathetic? Who am I to get upset? How selfish I have been. I should be loving, caring and compassionate, not holding my problems above everyone else. Thankfully, Christ is the model for love and compassion when my selfishness gets in the way.

We sang this song at church today, and I was in tears. I will end the blog with a quote from this song:

He is jealous for me

Love's like a hurricane I am the tree

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and glory.

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful you are

And how great your affections are for me.

And Oh, how He loves us so.

Oh, how He loves us,

How he loves us so.