back to back...

Well, I went to the surgeon for my 6 week check up right before we moved from Missouri to Colorado. I went in being optimistic... trying hard to show that I was probably doing okay. I talked about how I can get out and do things, but it still hurts, and I'm okay after I lie down for awhile. And that my foot was still numb and weird, but if I wear certain shoes I do okay.

The nurse asked me, "Are you really getting better, or are you learning to live with the problems you still have?"

It was the second one.

A third, fusion surgery was discussed, as was just giving things a little more time.

I have cried, a lot.

I am having a hard time not being completely devastated. The words "I can't do this again" have come out of my mouth many times.

I read this Psalm out on the porch in the beautiful Colorado morning air yesterday:

‎"Eternal One, I am call out to You; You are the foundation of my life. Please, don't turn Your ear from me. If you respond to my pleas with silence, I will lose all hope like those silenced by death's grave. Listen to my voice, You will hear me begging for Your help with my hands lifted up in prayer, my body turned toward Your holy home... The Eternal should be honored and revered, He has heard my cries for help, The eternal is the source of my strength and the shield that guards me. When I learn to rest and truly trust Him, He sends His help. This is why my heart is singing! I open my mouth to praise Him, and thankfulness rises as song." - Psalm 28:1-2, 6-7 (The Voice Translation)

I am thankful for continued hope in God, in all that goes on in my life. When I don't have much hope, I am thankful that God gives me a song to sing, a song of hope, a song of strength, and a song of peace.

"Even in the unending shadows of death's darkness, I am not overcome by fear. Because you are with me in those dark moments, near with your protection and guidance, I am comforted." Psalm 23:4 (The VOICE translation)